Sleeplessness

Can't sleep today because I feel like my mind is racing. I worked last night and only slept until 2:15 and I have to go back to work tonight....blah.

I am getting REALLY excited to meet her. To know her birthday, to look at her and know her name, to see what she looks like, to have her little hand grasp my finger, to kiss her little face, to meet someone who will part of our family forever. There are so many mixed emotions of anxiety, self doubt, nervousness, sadness, and anticipation that are all trapped in my head but the overall feeling is excitement. To not have this all planned out freaks me out but also calms me. God will determine when I go into labor, what that will look like, who will be in town, how many hours it will take, and when my daughter will be born. I am resting in the fact that he will be with me every step and already has a plan for me and our little girl. It is like waiting to open presents on Christmas except you don't know when Christmas will come. It could be tomorrow or a month from now. We are praying she wants to come the last week or June or first week of July so Aunt Gina can be here and my dad will be back from his Guatemala mission trip. But I am also praying for her to be healthy, for my labor to not be unmanageably long, for me not to tear, for Matt to not be stressed, and for us to have a happy memory of it all....that is a lot of prayers. I still need to do some surrendering. I need to get my mind in a place that no matter what prayers do or don't get answered, God is still God and he is always good.