12 Week Appt.

This past Thursday we had our 12 week check up. The visit overall was short, I didn't even have to be examined. Rachel just asked us how things were going and then told us we would just listen for a HR with the Doppler. She leaned me back and searched around for a min or so before stating we should not be nervous but we will move to the ultrasound room to locate it. She said it was common this early on to not be able to pick it up via Doppler because my uterus could be more posterior. I must say my heart was racing walking into the other room. This was the moment I had been prepping for, the moment I had guarded my heart from, the moment I had dreaded since we found out we were pregnant. I wanted so bad to make it to the end of my first trimester and still hear that heartbeat, to know our baby made it. We met the US tech and she got me settled in. Within seconds, on the big screen in front of us, our baby came into sight. I was shocked how much it had grown in four weeks. And then she turned the volume up and the heart rate was heard loud and clear in the 160's. I started laughing and couldn't stop smiling. Matt was at the end of the bed fixated on the screen. Since the US was done to just pick up a heart beat, the tech didn't spend too much time looking around or taking pictures. She did take one where she labeled the foot. She made a comment like, oh do you see that, we've got a foot. To which Matt replied, oh just one huh?....in a somber tone. She then laughed and said, no there are two, as she switched the view so both legs/feet were showing. I was cracking up that he thought for a split second our baby had one leg. She was just trying to point out landmarks, not break any news to us. New favorite Matt/baby memory.

So we scheduled our 17 week appt to look at all the body systems and find out baby's gender. We debated for a while now if we wanted to know. It's funny when it is finally your decision, there is much more that goes into every question that gets brought up and you find yourself contemplating things you thought you had planned on. I always thought we would find out, but when people started asking we suddenly weren't sure. I also think girls play out a lot of decisions ahead of time, dreaming of what they will do or what it will be like. I have tried to remind myself that I am only one of two parents and really take Matt's opinions to heart. So even though I had thought about these things, we have never talked about them. I wanted to make sure we are both ok and on board with decisions like this. After much talk of not wanting to do neutral colors, being able to call baby a him or her, and us mentally prepping for one or the other, we decided we will find out. My heart has always been set on this first baby being a certain gender, so if it is not, I want to have time to embrace that and celebrate God's plan. Everyone always says they want a healthy child but deep down I feel most girls have a guess or preference as to what their first born will be. So of course, health is the most important fact in all of this but setting that aside, gender is something I have thought of a lot.

After this appt. we have started letting other people know and boy has that been great. Matt's work party was that night and he got to tell all his co-workers our fun news. I have started calling/texting some friends this weekend to fill them in. My parents got to share with their co-workers that they will be grandparents for the first time, which my mom is loving. I go back to work Wed and will start sharing if people ask. So in the next week or so I figure most people who are close to us will find out. I feel like we can step back and start celebrating finally. On a great side note, I have been feeling much better these past 5-6 days. I still am not 100% over being sick but I will take this over what it has been. I have felt emotionally more like myself as well. Less PMS feelings and more joy. I even crafted today with Beth, which may not sound like much but it has been a huge part of my life I have been missing these past 2 months. It feels good again to have a little energy and feel up to being creative. So between this development and our great news at our appt, this weekend has been wonderful. I don't think I realized how much anger, frustration, fear and anxiety I was harboring for awhile now...or maybe not harboring but recreating new each day. It feels good to let some of that go and embrace the goodness God has blessed us with now. To not resent that I felt so crummy and wasn't myself and enjoy how I am feeling in the present. So cheers to that!

1st post from yours truly,


Confession: If Chris Martin does it for my baby Mamma, Celine Dion rocks my world at Christmas time. Timeless, classic, powerful, and yes... epic.


Baby Clark, sorry to break it to you so early in the game, but you are stuck with nutty parents. On the bright side, inevitably, you will have a taste for fine cheeses, kielbasa, disc golf, and a proclivity for beautiful melodies with long meandering choruses (chori?).


Always around,


- Big Daddy MPC

Thoughts

Things that have made me happy lately....
-Coldplay's Newest CD....Chris martin I love you
-Feeling good the past 2 days and getting caught up around the house
-When I am up late at night the Christmas lights on my tree make me feel less lonely
-Christmas shopping with my mom and getting in some girl time
-My fantasy football team rocking the number one spot
-Celebrating friends birthdays
-Brisket and friends for dinner
-Wrapping gifts and listening to Christmas music
-How Matthew has been falling asleep on the couch to "be with me" as I watch TV or read late into the night
-For the first time "feeling pregnant." I could not wrap presents on the floor without my back killing me, my legs falling asleep, needing to pee every hour and my belly not moving out of the way to accommodate my leaning far over or laying on my stomach. When I suck in, there is still belly that sticks out. I guess there is a kid in there :)

Prayers on my heart....

- Beth and her family as they cope with losing their Grammie this week
- The Addinks whose van was stolen today
- Family and friends as they finish up finals
- P and B who have been sick this past week


What I am anticipating.....

-Hosting small group for advent celebration next week and having the chance to be hospitable to people we love very much.
-Celebrating Brandon's graduation and having a Christmas party with friends this weekend
-Shelby being done with finals and coming home!
-Party with the Vances next Tue and celebrating Lynley's first Christmas
-Seeing close friends in Wichita soon for a special bachelorette party
-Christmas eve midnight service at Jacob's Well, so life giving
-And mostly... celebrating the birth of our savior, Jesus, who is the ultimate gift of the season.

The Drehers come for a visit

Last weekend Gina, Adam and Sutton came to KC to celebrate our news. I remember finding out Gina was pregnant over the phone and having to wait to see her and celebrate. Those are the times that I wished we lived closer and could share moments like that in person. So I know how excited she was to get here and catch up. Even though they were only in town for about 24 hrs we managed to squeeze in a lot of fun. They left their mark in a number of ways, some of which include....one blue ornament on my red and silver Christmas tree......3 wise men that are now bum-rushing Mary in my manger....a missing airplane ornament....32 different kinds of paper airplanes and helicopters I am still finding in corners of my living room....a 30-some dollar bill from multiple chic-fil-a trips....and a sweet cliff jumping video now saved to our favorites bar. I have said so many times how nice it is that our husbands get along so well. It makes visits so fun knowing Matt is enjoying himself flying RC airplanes around the room and getting beat at Bond, while I can have some much needed girl time. She also brought a blankie and diapers for baby. For whatever reason the diapers got me. I keep looking at them thinking how weird it is that I will be using those soon. They weirded me out so much I just hid them under a bunch of books. I feel like a 2 year old hiding under a blanket, if no one can see them...they don't exist, right? I am just not ready for the diapers yet.

While she was in town, Gina also took pictures of Katie's twin boys. They are so cute....the boys and pictures.  http://ginadreherphotography.com/2011/12/the-weil-twins-family/    You should for sure check them out. Isn't my friend Katie gorgeous too? She gives all moms hope out there. If she can pull herself together so well with twin 6 mo olds, surely I can do it with one....at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I think my biggest fear as of late with this journey is not knowing how I will identify with my life as a mom. I know moms that become so self consumed with being a mom that they lose some of who they were as a person before. And I know motherhood will effect me, but I hope that it will just enhance who I am as a person, not change it all together. I think God blessed me with certain gifts and character traits that run the risk of being swallowed up by being a mom and I really want to be intentional about preserving that. When I am the most like who he made me to be; is when, I feel, I will be the best mom. So I have been praying lately that I don't lose sight of that. I have also talked about how much I love my life right now and I hope by adding this baby into my life, I will still be able to incorporate activities and choices I made pre-baby. I think that is one of the main reasons this first trimester has been so hard on me. Feeling sick all the time and sometimes depressed, I have not been able/felt up to having breakfast with friends after work, bringing meals to friends, visiting my sweet niece and just loving on others in general. So much of this past year has been opportunities the Lord has given me to bless my friends and family and I have found such joy in doing that. Now that the tables have turned some and I can't bless others as regularly, part of me feels sad. I just hope as this pregnancy moves along and even after baby gets here, I start feeling more like myself again and I can find time to still incorporate serving others. In the meantime, I will practice the act of giving thanks to all those who have pitched in and helped Matt and I. By meals, emails, texts, gifts....any form of encouragement has not gone unnoticed and we love you all for it! We are very blessed.