A beautiful disaster

So tonight our small group got together to celebrate Christmas with one another. Since the women decide the plans for the most part and none of us wanted to cook or host, we brilliantly decided to eat out. It sounded like such a lovely plan, fried chicken at the KC famous Strouds at their original location. Let me tell you how that worked out for our family....

The evening began with Matt calling after work to make sure I knew this place was way the hell away. I told him Mapquest said it was only 30 min from our house. He however was coming from a different direction, fighting different traffic and it took him almost an hour. Once he got close, he got lost and was the last one to show up at the restaurant....grumpy husband.

I was dealing with my own set of circumstances prior to dinner. I had a long afternoon of running errands that were all taking too long, culminating in a 50 min wait at the post office to mail something off. Rowan had completely missed her afternoon nap and had been up since 1:30. I was rushing home after the post office nightmare to feed her, change her and load her up again in the car. I was flying around the house grabbing Christmas presents, extra diapers, lullabies for the car ride home, and toys to distract her while we ate. I got her dressed looking cute and put together but had no time for myself. So no make-up, work out clothes, messy unwashed hair Rachael is what showed up for dinner. When did I turn into that mom who looks like she rolled out of bed to go anywhere? Geez.

When we arrived we found out that Annie had called to make reservations only to be told they don't do reservations on Monday nights because they are always so slow. She said there would be a party of 10 arriving at 5:30 and they poo poo'd her worrying saying there would be no problem with that. Well what do you know, it's freaking packed. So with three kids who all have bedtimes in the 7 o'clock hour, this is already shaping up to be a mess. We waited for a long time and the kids busied themselves by running around being crazy in the lobby. Ingrid was holding Ro and trying to protect her from an onslaught of cute little boys who wanted nothing more than to play with my baby and talk to Ing. These little boys' dad seemed unaware that they were basically crawling all over Ingrid. Ingrid was doing so well with the boys telling them to be gentle but it was 3 vs 1. They started with touching Ro's hands and giving her high fives but that progressed to them touching her binky and stroking her face, to which the germ potential was too much for me to handle anymore. Really father of these boys, when is it acceptable to let your kids touch other babies in public? I was being as nice as I could for as long as I could. I took Ro and went to go change her diaper to get away from the commotion. The bathroom had some sketch changing station in a stall that barely fit Ro, and she is not a big baby. She kept trying to roll off of it and its latches were all shaking, sweet. I was thankful it was not a poop and I could change her fast, just jinxing myself for later...

Finally our name was called and we went back to our table. Noah put on his big boy face and happily ate food once he got situated in his high chair, one kid down. Daisy and Ro however seemed to be on hyper pills. Daisy is 2 and in the middle of potty training and her parents, in their rush, didn't bring her diaper bag. So every 20 min or so she would say she had to go potty and one of them would have to crawl out and take her, not knowing if she was crying wolf or not. With no back up panties and pants, you can't take your chances. Ro was delirious by this point and totally slap happy. She was tearing through the paper menu, throwing her toys on the floor, and drooling on everything. All this would have been fine if we weren't at the smallest table ever in the middle of the restaurant. One by one all her toys got thrown to the floor and some even stepped on til we had nothing left to entertain her with. We were quickly approaching bedtime/feeding time and food still hadn't arrived. Matt and I kept passing her back and forth while eating our appetizers. While she was sitting on my lap I felt the rumble begin. She proceeded to fill her pants for the next 3 minutes while I was imagining cleaning her on that jankity changer. When she concluded, she was wiped out. Her eyes were heavy but there was so much stimulation all around us that she could not snuggle in. She kept frantically looking around and getting all archy. By then it was her feeding time and the food was just arriving at the table. Matt held her while I inhaled my food. It tasted so good and I just wanted to savor it but if I didn't eat fast, she was going to have a melt down. As I was stuffing my face, I heard an uh-oh. I looked up and Daisy was drenched in a water that had been spilled on the table...her dad, who was holding her, got a cold bath to the crotch as well. So in a matter of 5 minutes, Daisy, Julie, Rowan and I were packed up, wishing everyone Merry Christmas and on our way to our cars yelling at our husbands to save us some cinnamon rolls.

We got to Julie's car and I got out stuff to change Ro while she stripped down Daisy and covered her in scarfs and warm things she found in the car. Daisy then inquired why Ro did not poop in the potty. Julie explained Rowan was a baby and uses diapers, not a big girl like Daisy. Daisy then asked if mommy pooped in the potty.....yes Daisy. Does Rachael poop in the potty.....yes Daisy. A good 15 sec pause later, Does Matt poop in the potty? Ha, yes he does too Daisy :) I then tried to feed Rowan who was completely distracted by flashing lights outside, Daisy chatting and being in the car. I threw in the white flag and headed to my car with her to take her home to bed, now a good 30 min past her bedtime. She luckily fell asleep right away and transitioned to bed just fine. Matt called me when he left and told me how expensive our meal was. I added up in my head what we ordered and told him that was not right. He later figured out they added in gratuity automatically and not knowing he tipped on top of that. Merry Christmas to you waiter.

Reflections on the night
-Eating out with Rowan is a bad idea at this age especially far from home, it makes cooking or hosting look like a walk in the park.
-Always carry sani wipes
-Make a list of why having a kid is actually fun for Mike and Whit, because after tonight they may be double thinking their timeline
-Be thankful for having children awesome enough to not have full fledged melt downs while their parents try to participate in fellowship
-It is great to be in the company of other moms who own up to the fact that life is not perfect after a child comes along. Try as you may, some ball gets dropped.
-Our small group, crazy as it is at times, is so great and rolls with whatever comes up. They are the best second family we could ask for

Even though that was the most chaotic dinner/evening Matt and I have had in awhile, I just have to step back and laugh and what my life has become. Nothing this type-a personality would ever ask for but beautiful all the same. :)

Circus Act

The past few weeks have been really rough for me. I wish I could say I was adjusted to working and being a mom but even though the routine has been established, my life has not gotten less stressful. Work really isn't even the big source of my stress though. The juggling of all my different roles is what is wearing me down. The two most important roles of my life are being a wife and being a mom. Navigating the waters of how to balance those jobs out is the hardest challenge for me still. Mom Rachael and Wife Rachael often have competing interests. Then you add Regular Rachael, Friend Rachael and Nurse Rachael on top of it and I really start to struggle finding peace. Matthew has never put any pressure on me to keep a clean house, make dinners, do the laundry, manage our finances and shop....that pressure is created by me. In my defense, the last 4 years of our lives I have successfully done all these things so I am used to the pace and pattern it takes to get them all done. Throwing a baby in the mix and adding, feeding, playing, washing, diapering and teaching has just really slowed me down. I want to still be able to do all the things that make me feel successful as a wife all while being a good mom and I have to own up to the fact that it just isn't working. On days Ro doesn't take an afternoon nap and is cranky, I will hold/entertain/distract her while trying to not be annoyed that there are piles of laundry, dishes and an empty cupboard staring me in the face screaming failure. Work sometimes comes as a relief to escape the guilty feelings of not being able to do it all. At least at work I can still commit 100% of myself to do my job well and feel good about my time spent, but that's because I only have to wear one hat. At home I wear multiple. If I just focus on being a mom and wife, I then start neglecting myself, friends, and family. I will go days not showering, having quiet time, any alone time really, or exercising. (Exercising?.....What's that again?) I won't have play dates, girl talk or catch up time to be invested in my friend's lives. When these things fall by the wayside I really notice myself losing it. I need time with God to keep me centered, I need friends to keep me grounded, I need my family to support me. But I also need to be present for Matt and Rowan. And there lies my problem. It is just a lot. I feel like such a lame-o saying that. I mean, how do moms with multiple kids manage? They take showers and look presentable, they cook dinners, they have girl's nights, so what am I missing here?

I had a melt down this past Monday and was so frustrated with this whole situation. I was feeling almost resentful towards my new life and blaming it for making me feel that way. I escaped to small group where three wise women spoke some much needed truth into my life. They listened, gave advice and recounted some of the message from this week's sermon about peace. Our pastor made the comment that peace is not found in absence of chaos, it can be found in chaos. It is not dependant on life being fixed of all things stressful, instead Jesus wants to meet us in our stressful chaotic life and be present through it all. How great of a truth is that because I am sure my life will ever be chaos free ever again. And it doesn't have to be to still find peace. So my goal this advent season is to open myself to God's peace. To take stock of all that stresses me and prioritize. To let go of some things. To remind myself it is not my agenda but God's that matters. To be open to being a vessel he can work through. To start my day with him, knowing his grace covers all my imperfections and not being able to do it all does not mean I am failing. Easier said than believed but I am sure going to try!

Such a big girl

Rowan loves books. She loves to chew the pages, touch the fuzzy animals, look at the bright colors and listen to us read them aloud. She will sit here on the couch and "look through them" while I am pumping or eating in the morning. She has the whole grandma reading the morning paper look to her, just give the girl a cup of coffee :)

 

Five Months Old

I know this is a week late. I wrote this back on the 2nd of December but needed up upload the pictures we took on the 1st. Just been busy around here!

Ro baby you are growing up fast! This past month you are making all sorts of developmental jumps. It is fun to see you learn new things but it makes me sad I can envision you crawling and even walking sometimes. Here is a look at your little life currently.

-You found your feet. When you are sitting up you will stare at them and grab for them. Especially when you have PJs with cute things on the footies. You are not really flexible enough to get them up to your mouth but if mommy helps you, you will suck away on them.

-You make this scoffing noise and then bury your head in our chests. Your dad thinks this is the best thing ever.

-You are starting to grab ahold of us and hang on tight. You grab our arms almost like you are giving us hugs, so fun! You also have started to grab my hair, not so fun.

-Your nails grow so fast and they are so sharp, I feel like I am always cutting them and you are always scratching me. At least you don't scratch yourself much.

-You are in size 2 diapers still but we are about to move you up to size 3. You are 1/1 waist setting and 4/4 leg setting on your fuzzi bunz. We tried moving your leg setting to 3/4 but you leaked every diaper.

-You sleep on your tummy now. As soon as we put you down for bed, you flip over to your stomach and start scooting around. You have gotten your foot stuck in the crib rails. You have gotten your head stuck in the corner of your bed. You like to pull on the rails with both hands and smoosh your face into them. You are crazy.

-You got sick for the first time in your little life. Stuffy nose, congestion, slight cough and major boogies. No fever though. You were just pathetic and didn't want to pass out smiles. You would wake yourself up at night because you couldn't breathe well. In the morning when we got you up, you would have dried boogies smeared ear to ear from where you were rubbing your head into your mattress. It was a sad sight and I am glad it's over.

-You roll all the time when playing on the floor. Not in the means of transporting yourself yet but I am sure that is coming. You will roll on your tummy, play a bit, reach for something and roll back onto your back.

-You have strong legs! You bear weight really well and love to be standing. We really need to get you an exersaucer.

-You are eating 6 times a day every 3 hours still but we are moving you to eating 5 times a day every 3.5 hrs. From a 6-9-12-3-6-8 schedule to a 6:30-10-1:30-5-7:30 schedule. You eat about 4.5-5 oz a feed. Moving up bedtime has been great for your daddy and I to hang out more in the evenings and you started sleeping in a little later in the mornings....woot woot. Picking a feeding schedule is hard because of my work schedule, your daycare/driving schedule and church. Now that we are trying to work in a set afternoon nap, our lives are definitely more dictated by your needs. Still breastfeeding like a champ, very thankful for this. It's weird to think we will start solids next month with you!

 

-You take great morning naps. You got spoiled when you were sick and I snuggled with you in the crook of my arm and napped with you elevated so you could breathe better. Now you won't go down for naps easily on your own but you will fall asleep in my arms. This leads to a lot of snuggling and napping together since I am a tired push over.

-You started pulling your own hair but it doesn't seem to bother you yet.

-You suck, gum, slobber on everything. Everything goes straight to your mouth to be inspected. This makes reading books difficult these days, which is still one of your favorite things to do.

-You fit into 6 mo clothes mostly, but onsies and some tops are still 3 mo. 3 mo pants are now capris and being stored away. Sad day. Lucky for us the weather has been awesome and we have kept putting you in dresses with cardigans so you are getting a lot of use of all your clothes for that age.

Your hair was CRAZY in these pictures, ha! I didn't really even notice at the time.

 

-Look how well you are sitting on your own! Granted the chair is supporting your back but your balance has really improved. I wouldn't be surprised if you were sitting by Christmas.

 



-You keep headbands, barrettes and clips in your hair still and they look oh so cute. I hope they stay on the "Things Rowan approves" list.

-You LOVE those cold teethers from the freezer. The yellow color is your favorite. I have to put a bib on you though because you drool like crazy when sucking them.

-When you don't nap and stay up all afternoon you get slap happy. We can be doing the dumbest things and you will be cracking up at us. It's pretty great.


We are looking forward to Christmas! Reading books about Jesus, singing Christmas songs, lights on the tree and tearing into some presents. Lots of fun sensory things for you to experience. Next time we post an update like this you will be 1/2 year old, oh my! We love you Ro-bee!