Niagra Falls

DISCLAIMER: This is a whole blog post about feeding my daughter. If this will weird/gross/freak you out or maybe just bore you to tears, just skip right over it and wait for another post in the near future. :)

Just call me Leaks Mcgee. I can't seem to go anywhere without soaking through whatever I am wearing. I now know why moms hibernate in their homes those first few weeks.

The first episode happened when we took her in for her first check up at the pediatrician's office. They had her undressed on the scale and bed for assessing and she was not happy about it. Her cries started my milk up but unbeknownced to me. I had fed her before we came and was wearing nursing pads and a nursing tank under my shirt so I should be good to go right? After we found out she gained a pound and 3 oz in 8 days and I was told I could stop waking her up to feed every 3 hours, after we talked at length about immunizations, after we were told her goopy eyes were normal and the tear ducts would clear up and after we filled out a bunch of paperwork, I stopped and realized I felt damp. Looking down I could already see the milk leaking through my shirt. By this point we were checking out at the counter so I hurried through the last of the signatures, gave Matt the "let's go NOW" eyes and bolted to the car. There I looked further and saw I had soaked my whole nursing tank and conveniently had nothing to change into. It was a long, damp car ride home.

The second public display of this happened last Friday when I went to a co-worker's bridal shower on the plaza. I was excited to get out of the house, drive finally, catch up with my girlfriends and let Matt have some daddy daughter time after a long work week. I once again, fed her right before I left, put on 3 different types on nursing pads (silicone, cloth and disposable), a nursing tank and then my dress. I was feeling somewhat human and proud that I pulled myself together. I jammed to tunes driving there and had a feeling of being just Rachael again and not Mom-Rachael. We had a great time getting drinks and catching up for an hour or so then we decided to head to the place we were going to eat dinner at. As soon as I got up from the table I had a bad feeling. I went to the restroom of the second restaurant as soon as we arrived and confirmed that yes I again had soaked through everything. My nursing tank was so wet I could almost wring it out. Fail. I was so discouraged and embarrassed. I had to go back out there and tell the girls I had to leave early. I was only gone for about 2 hours at this point, I thought for sure I had a safe 3 hrs to kill before I had to start worrying. By the time I got to the car in the parking garage I had baseball sized leak spots on my cute dress. I called Matt on my way home and told him to get my pumping stuff together because I wasn't going to make it until she was ready to eat again.

Along with making too much milk and leaking everywhere, I have also struggled with her not fully emptying me with each feed because there is so much. She needs about 2-2.5 oz every 3-4 hours, my body is making 8-9 oz. So I have had blocked ducts that have added to the swollen painfulness. It is such a confusing battle to fight, if I pump I feel relief and can fully empty all the milk out...but my body then in turn produces more which is not what I am wanting. If you are engorged you are supposed to use cold packs, if you have a clogged duct you use warm packs, what if you have both problems? Who knew there was so much that is not intuitive? We broke down and gave her a bottle this past weekend because she had not aroused for almost 5 hours and I was in a lot of pain by that point. So I pumped off my 8 oz and she woke up hungry 30 min or so later. I knew she wouldn't get much so we decided to bottle feed her some of what I had pumped. She did great and took 75ml before falling asleep. Then she woke the rest of the night and breastfed like a champ. I was so nervous about her liking one more than the other or flat out refusing one option, so it was a relief to see she did fine going from one to another. I felt like I had the advice of so many lactation ladies running through my head and making me nervous to screw anything up. Giving her a bottle at 2 weeks was def. not recommended by them, but screw it that's what we did.

And so has been my life this last week. I feel like every mom who chooses to breastfeed their child struggles with some aspect of it all early on. Whether you make too much milk, not enough milk, you baby has trouble latching, you are sore, they just want to snack and not eat full meals ...every mom has their trial. From all my friends who have nursed though, they all say it gets better. Once your body and baby are in sync it really is easy and natural but until you get to that stage it can def. feel discouraging at times. A lot of people have asked me is there anything I was not prepared for with this new mom role and this is my answer. Until you breastfeed yourself, I feel like you can never be prepared. From work experiences I know how to work a breast pump, teach moms tricks to get their kids to latch, make sure they have a good latch and advise them in ways to keep milk supply up. I have yet to encounter a mom who needed help decreasing her supply or dealing with overproduction, so naturally that would be the struggle God gives to me :) It is not the worst struggle to have so I will take it and be thankful I am making milk, but I am not going to say it's been a walk in the park. Here's to less damp days in our near future!