12 Week Appt.

This past Thursday we had our 12 week check up. The visit overall was short, I didn't even have to be examined. Rachel just asked us how things were going and then told us we would just listen for a HR with the Doppler. She leaned me back and searched around for a min or so before stating we should not be nervous but we will move to the ultrasound room to locate it. She said it was common this early on to not be able to pick it up via Doppler because my uterus could be more posterior. I must say my heart was racing walking into the other room. This was the moment I had been prepping for, the moment I had guarded my heart from, the moment I had dreaded since we found out we were pregnant. I wanted so bad to make it to the end of my first trimester and still hear that heartbeat, to know our baby made it. We met the US tech and she got me settled in. Within seconds, on the big screen in front of us, our baby came into sight. I was shocked how much it had grown in four weeks. And then she turned the volume up and the heart rate was heard loud and clear in the 160's. I started laughing and couldn't stop smiling. Matt was at the end of the bed fixated on the screen. Since the US was done to just pick up a heart beat, the tech didn't spend too much time looking around or taking pictures. She did take one where she labeled the foot. She made a comment like, oh do you see that, we've got a foot. To which Matt replied, oh just one huh?....in a somber tone. She then laughed and said, no there are two, as she switched the view so both legs/feet were showing. I was cracking up that he thought for a split second our baby had one leg. She was just trying to point out landmarks, not break any news to us. New favorite Matt/baby memory.

So we scheduled our 17 week appt to look at all the body systems and find out baby's gender. We debated for a while now if we wanted to know. It's funny when it is finally your decision, there is much more that goes into every question that gets brought up and you find yourself contemplating things you thought you had planned on. I always thought we would find out, but when people started asking we suddenly weren't sure. I also think girls play out a lot of decisions ahead of time, dreaming of what they will do or what it will be like. I have tried to remind myself that I am only one of two parents and really take Matt's opinions to heart. So even though I had thought about these things, we have never talked about them. I wanted to make sure we are both ok and on board with decisions like this. After much talk of not wanting to do neutral colors, being able to call baby a him or her, and us mentally prepping for one or the other, we decided we will find out. My heart has always been set on this first baby being a certain gender, so if it is not, I want to have time to embrace that and celebrate God's plan. Everyone always says they want a healthy child but deep down I feel most girls have a guess or preference as to what their first born will be. So of course, health is the most important fact in all of this but setting that aside, gender is something I have thought of a lot.

After this appt. we have started letting other people know and boy has that been great. Matt's work party was that night and he got to tell all his co-workers our fun news. I have started calling/texting some friends this weekend to fill them in. My parents got to share with their co-workers that they will be grandparents for the first time, which my mom is loving. I go back to work Wed and will start sharing if people ask. So in the next week or so I figure most people who are close to us will find out. I feel like we can step back and start celebrating finally. On a great side note, I have been feeling much better these past 5-6 days. I still am not 100% over being sick but I will take this over what it has been. I have felt emotionally more like myself as well. Less PMS feelings and more joy. I even crafted today with Beth, which may not sound like much but it has been a huge part of my life I have been missing these past 2 months. It feels good again to have a little energy and feel up to being creative. So between this development and our great news at our appt, this weekend has been wonderful. I don't think I realized how much anger, frustration, fear and anxiety I was harboring for awhile now...or maybe not harboring but recreating new each day. It feels good to let some of that go and embrace the goodness God has blessed us with now. To not resent that I felt so crummy and wasn't myself and enjoy how I am feeling in the present. So cheers to that!