Rowan's Birth Story Part 2: Real labor

Around 2 am my contractions really started picking up and I was needing to pause what I was doing a breathe through each one. At this point I woke Matt up for support.I tried to rest in between each one on the floor and then I would get on all fours or hang on Matt through the contraction. They started lasting 60-70 sec and coming every 4-6 min  and that is when I believed this was really it. I told Matt we needed to pack our bags and head to the hospital before they got too bad. Here begins the frantic running around the house and cursing that we didn't pack before bed. I at least had a check list made of things we needed so we just went off that. I would start to grab things then call out to Matt when I felt a contraction starting, we would work through it and then go back to collecting things. He was running all over the house on a scavenger hunt to find all our necessities. After half an hour or so of packing we texted family and started the trek to the hospital around 5am. The car ride was no fun because sitting, second the lying down, was the worst position to work through a contraction in. She was so low that the pressure was awful. I was able to stay focused enough to breathe through them though as Matt drove the 20 min to St. Luke's avoiding as many bumps as he could. We got there and were greeted by a less than friendly lady at the front desk who wanted Matt to fill out some paperwork and me to pee in a cup. We then went back into the triage room and I was told to get undressed and lay on the bed. They wanted to monitor my contractions for half an hour and check me. The nurse that was there for the next couple hours, Linda, was my least favorite person in this whole experience. She checked me and informed me I was 1 cm maybe 2 and she would monitor baby from the monitor out at the nurses' station. As soon as she closed the door I wanted to cry. Not only did I not want to be in bed working through the contractions, I was so disappointed we only made 1/2 cm or so of progress in all that prelabor. I thought for sure we waited at home a good length of time and I would be at least a 2-3. After thirty min she came in to tell us Rowan was having decels and not enough variability in between the contractions to feel good about sending me home. She admitted me and moved us to another room. There, her side kick nurse came over the start an IV. She missed the first attempt...how with my massive veins I will never know...and got it on the second try after fiddling with it for awhile. It was so hard to hold still when a contraction would hit and I wanted to punch her for taking so long. She ended up making my day though when she said, "I heard you were 2 cm and 90% effaced, that's awesome." What?! 90% effaced, that is awesome! Why Linda withheld that info I don't know. How about a little encouragement here, geez! I asked if I could stay hydrated on my own and not be hooked up to IV fluids to which Linda said ummm, no. She gave me some lame excuse about how I won't be able to keep up with what my body requires on my own and the contractions will push on my stomach and make me puke it up even if I were to try. But she added the kicker that getting a liter in me fast would help to see if Rowan's HR would look better with contractions and allow her to tolerate things better, to which I couldn't argue. So I agreed to be hooked up. She made me stay in bed though and keep monitoring baby's HR, so until she left and the day nurse came I was miserable in bed.

 As soon as our day nurse arrived she came in and hooked me to the portable monitors and got me out of bed, praise the lord! She was nice and not pushy but I could tell she did not have a lot of experience with unmedicated labors. She would come in and check on us, suggest nothing, offer drugs/epidural if we ever wanted it, watch the monitor for a bit and leave. They had a difficult time getting ahold of Rachel and it wasn't until 9 that she got there. So for 4 hours or so it was just Matt and I working through them as best as we could. I was on the birthing ball a lot at first, then I was up walking around and using the IV pole to support my weight instead of Matt, then I got in bed on all fours and rocked and then repeated when ever one position stopped working or I got too tired to support my weight. My biggest hurdle through it all was exhaustion. Not sleeping at all the prior 24 hours was a killer heading into the toughest part of labor. I don't know how many times I said, I am just so tired, if only I could sleep just a little, can someone get me a sleeping pill? We tried guided imagery and some of the distraction techniques, none of those were effective. What worked best for me was to focus on my breathing and work with the contraction, not try to ignore or distract myself from it. I had some motivational cards/ prayers/ pictures that I used for awhile. They only were helpful to a certain point in the process though. At one point Matt offered them up and the first card he came to said "Imagine the contractions not as painful but just as an interesting sensation." ...to which I said, "Oh F-that" and threw the card across the room. Matt did not suggest the cards again. Ha! When Rachel got there I was relieved that Matt had someone to support him and I had a heath care professional that would give it to me straight. She checked me and I was a 4. My checks continued like that the whole way. I would labor labor labor, mentally feel like I was making good progress, only to move up a cm at a time. I sat 100% effaced, low station, unable to dilate any quicker and quickly losing steam and motivation. I cried off an on, mostly out of frustration. I screamed a lot of curse words at the height of contractions. I banged my fist on many things and squeezed Matt's hand a lot. We tried the shower twice. Both times I felt like I could control my breathing and stay on top of the contractions better to make some progress but I would tire so fast standing up that I couldn't stay in there long. They had a shower chair but I could not sit through any of the contractions so I would end up standing and holding the rails or Matt. Sometimes I would lower into the seat or my birthing ball and the pressure from that would bring on another contraction, so I was almost scared to sit at all. Matt massaged off and on but that too, if he massaged too low on my back, seemed to bring on contractions and more pressure. She was just sitting too low in me. Finally Rachel suggested breaking my water at 5cm. She felt the head was so low that if my water broke and all that weight rested on my cervix it would dilate faster. She warned me the contractions would become more intense from this as well but hopefully it would cut down on length of laboring we had left. We agreed, after talking it over and immediately they picked up in intensity. Some women describe their water breaking as relief, I never felt that though. From here on began the worst part of labor. For the next hour or so I was in so much pain and could not stay on top of it. I would start each contraction breathing and staying focused and imagining everything opening up, then 30 sec into it I would loose my focus and footing and the contraction would break through. I thought mentally I could be stronger than I was but they seemed to win every battle. I got really discouraged and frustrated and wanted to break down and start bawling. I knew if I did that I would be sunk though. Matt was a rock star at this point, telling me to breath, helping me refocus and relax, encouraging me to keep going. I can honestly say if I didn't have his support I would have not made it. After a check that showed I was at 6 and another a couple hours later that I was a 7 I started to lose it. Self doubt was everywhere in my head, I kept thinking I am too tired to go anymore. My uterus was also contracting so quickly that it wasn't fully resting or relaxing in between contractions anymore and I couldn't catch my breath. They just kept coming one after another after another. I finally asked if I could have something IV to help me rest. Rachel said the nurse could give me a half dose of pain meds which would not help ease the contraction pain but would let my uterus relax some between them. I agreed and the nurse scurried off. That dose made all the difference in the world. I was on all fours for the last part of labor. A contraction would come and I would get into position and work through it, then collapse onto the bed and rest until the next one came. That rest I got was amazing and a stark contrast to the awful contraction pain. I was told to not give into the urge to push while I was still dilating, but all the pressure was in my rectum area and made me feel like I needed to push. Learning how to relax that area and still ride out the contraction was really difficult. I struggled through that for the next hour or so. Then Rachel suggested we check again and much to our surprise we were at a 10! They started prepping the room for the delivery while I got onto my side to start pushing. I pushed there for a few times before they decided the angle of my pelvis was not going to be favorable in that position. I flipped to my back and propped my hips at an angle and pushed for about 20 min total. That pushing was pure burning hell but I knew I was at the end of it all so I just went for it. Her head came out, another push and her shoulders and everything else did and she started squawking. They quickly threw her up onto my chest and I was elated it was over. I looked over and Matt could not keep it together, he was crying and kissing us and saying, "oh wow" over and over. I felt such happiness that it was done and that she was crying and healthy. I just kept thinking we did it, she is here, it's over, thank you God! And with that Rowan McKinley Clark was born!