17 weeks

Well here we are at 17 weeks, a big week for us because this week we find out if our baby is a boy or a girl! I hope baby cooperates and we can easily tell. We are having family and a few friends come over on Friday to announce the news. On a more nerve-racking note, we also have our more in depth ultrasound this appointment. Being a NICU nurse puts all the worst thoughts in your head about what could be happening in there so I am ready to just get this over with and stop the anticipating. Surprisingly though, I have been much better about not worrying as I thought I would be. I chalk that all up to God. He has brought peace to a place of my heart that is always anxious. I am such a planner, organizer, type A personality so the thought of things being out of my control, which they always are, stresses me out if I let it. The health of my baby is, for the most part, out of my hands. Baby could have Downs or Turners or Hydrocephalus or Gastroschisis or a heart defect ....ect ect. My mind has gone to all these places and more but it has only done so briefly, without much lingering. Matt and I discussed some of these things and what we might be able to tell by this appt. I feel blessed to have a realistic grasp on many medical battles we could be facing but it has never been my child going through any of that. So in prayer I have been focusing on the emotional toll some of these diagnosis may bring. In the end though, I know God has knit together this baby for us to parent and he will equip us with the things necessary to do this well.

It's funny in some areas of the pregnancy I can trust God completely, and in others I can be so worrisome. Matt and I sat down this weekend and wrote out lists of all the things that worry us and weigh on our hearts about this pregnancy, the baby and our relationship. We threw everything out there from picking a name to safety in labor. It was good to write them all down and clear our heads of all of them. We joked about burning the lists in the fire we were planning on making the next day, but decided to hang on to them for awhile. I have thought about praying through some of them and laying them down as requests to be freed of. I seem to do better in prayer time when I have some structure and this seemed like a good outline of things I obviously still need to pray about. So we'll see.

Another thought I keep having is the idea that the baby can hear us now, or can they? Matt's grandparents are both deaf, although only one was born deaf. But there is a part of me that wonders if that could be our kid's story too.... If there was anything genetic to why grandma was born deaf.... If maybe our child could inherit the same issues. Having a deaf child would fit perfectly into our family and we would be equipped to handle that better than most people. I wonder if God ever thinks along those same lines? Our baby would feel right at home with Matt's family and my family, I am sure, would make efforts to learn to sign and communicate but what about our friends, church, neighbors? I always talk with my friends about our kids growing up together and being friends. How different would that friendship look if our baby was deaf? Just interesting to think about. We plan on teaching our children to sign anyway so they can communicate with their great grandparents and continue that unique part of the Clark family's identity. Their cousin Lynley is being taught to sign as well. Leslie has started with her already. The thought of our kids signing to each other is such a cool thought. I am glad our baby will be supported in that way whether they are deaf or not.

That is about it, not much has changed with me this past week. Still feeling alright, no cravings yet, no noticeable movements from baby, not much change in the way I am looking and still a little on the tired side. All in all, pretty good :)